Saturday, October 30, 2010

Surreal

I have to write more about junior surgery lab.

I simply cannot wrap my mind around the fact that I cut open a live pig this week (multiple pigs), removed some of its organs, and put it back together.

I have no cognition at this point to really grasp that that's what I did.

It's the weirdest feeling -- on the one hand, for many of the procedures we did (especially the nephrectomy and splenectomy), I have this sense that it really, really shouldn't be that simple to remove an organ from a living creature. In the most basic sense, once you've opened up the abdomen, it's a matter of manually breaking down some connective tissue, tying knots around some big veins and arteries, and pulling the kidney or spleen out.

On the other hand, I have to remind myself that it's taken 2+ years of intense vet school education to get me to this point -- starting with basic anatomy and physiology during my first year, progressing through basic instrument handling and surgical technique as a sophomore, to working on models and cadavers in the beginning of my third year, and now here I am.

Am I trying to say that I feel competent as a surgeon at this point? That I could tackle anything in the abdomen? That I'd be okay going into a surgery on my own, without a partner or supervision?

Heck, NO!

But I also really can't believe that I did what I did over the past 5 days. It's a very strange sort of power that I'm not psychologically ready for yet. I wonder when I'll finally get to the point where I can tell myself, "Yes, I did that surgery. I can do these surgeries. I have learned enough that that's just what I do now, and it doesn't faze me."

I'll let you know!

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